Last week, I had the amazing opportunity to speak to Maxwell Poyser on dating during COVID-19. It was my first insight into how dating apps, local singles, and dating spots were adapting to this pandemic. I wanted to continue this insightful conversation by reaching out to Brooke Fitzpatrick, the founder of Mosaic Matchmaking, a personalized matchmaking and dating service company catering to professionals of color.
Dr. Joyce Sanchez, an infectious disease specialist at the Medical College of Wisconsin, has stated that “exposing yourself to a new partner doesn’t just affect you, the impact also extends to the people you live and work with as well as your community at large”. Do you think that COVID-19 will make local singles more casual in their approach to dating or drive them to more serious commitments?
Great question! I think the nature of COVID-19 is going to make local singles more casual in their approach to dating. COVID makes it difficult to meet new people and conduct more traditional dates like an intimate dinner. It’s apparent that everyone has a different comfort level of what activities that they are willing to participate in during this time and you will notice that singles are flocking to connect and hang out with other singles that have their same comfort level.
I have also come across singles being more open to dating someone that may not live in the city. With a larger number of employers offering the ability to work from home, it makes it easier to travel and spend time with a significant other that may live in another city or even state.
I think the seriousness of commitments has been revealed, because now a commitment is seen as more than just, “this person and I are exclusive”. During a pandemic or lockdown, a serious commitment could also mean that this person and I are going to be spending everyday together for the next 3+ months.
A March 2020 survey, created by the Kinsey Institute, showed that 28% of singles reached out to an ex during early lockdowns. Will this need for intimacy and affection have negative implications for singles in future potential lockdowns?
It’s not surprising at all that during a time of turmoil, uncertainty, and isolation people are reaching out to their exes. This pandemic has been difficult for everyone but many singles are spending much more time alone and in isolation…which can uncover the need or desire for companionship. If singles are allowing careless behaviors like reaching out to an abusive or otherwise toxic ex fill their need for intimacy and affection then that will have a negative implication.
We all desire intimacy and affection but during a lockdown or potential future lockdowns, I would encourage singles to cultivate the other relationships in their life. A lockdown is a good time to check in on friends that you don’t normally get a chance to catchup with. Friendships also provide intimacy and companionship.
Some dating experts bring up the limitations behind virtual and socially-distanced dates. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who has spent 20 years studying the MRI scans of people who are madly in love, has stated “just because you can’t touch somebody, does not mean that you can’t fall in love with them”. Do you think the limitations behind virtual and socially-distanced dates can be overcome and are there any positive benefits of virtual first dates?
As a matchmaker a big part of my job is getting my matches to meet each other in person, now with COVID-19 I encourage physical distancing and safe meetup, however, when getting to know someone seeing them in person is crucial. Those in-person meetings are going to surface emotions and chemistry that you sometimes miss with virtual meetings. With that being said, a positive benefit of virtual first dates is that they are safer and it gives singles an opportunity to have a voice conversation to see if they genuinely connect or “vibe” with that other person before investing time and money in an in-person meetup.
A 1956 study by George Miller, one of the founders of cognitive psychology, states that our short-term memory systems can only handle five to nine options simultaneously and anymore would create cognitive overload. How does someone navigate the massive field of options offered on dating apps without getting burned out?
Just like with any other app, limit the time you are spending on the app. Don’t fill free time swiping, because it will get overwhelming and it will also give you a false sense of unlimited options. I recommend using the free time that the pandemic has given us to really think about the qualities and characteristics of a compatible significant other. Consider, “If I had to spend 3 months locked in a house with someone what type of personality would they need to have in order for us to thrive?” This will also help you narrow down and hone in on your search for a partner.
What DFW attractions do you think will get lots of renewed interest for future dates during this pandemic and post-COVID?
Anywhere with a nice outdoor space or an activity that allows you to spread out, but some of the attractions that I think will become even more popular now and in the future are the Dallas Arboretum, Klyde Warren Park, Topgolf, The Drive-In at The Central cinema, Dallas Farmer’s Market, White Rock Lake and any restaurant that has a nice outdoor patio space.
