Last week, I reached out to Maxwell Poyser to go over potential dating changes due to this pandemic. We had an amazing conversation on everything from dating apps, types of dates, and the positive/negative implications that now come with COVID-19. I wanted to continue this conversation and reached out to Abbriana Cox, a IAP Certified Matchmaker and Long time Romance Expert. She has been assisting those around her plan memorable romantic moments for 9 years, and currently the owner of a Romance Concierge and Matchmaking Company called Build a Date. Her current focus is assisting couples with consistent and stress free romance, and assisting singles find and begin healthy relationships.
Dr. Joyce Sanchez, an infectious disease specialist at the Medical College of Wisconsin, has stated that “exposing yourself to a new partner doesn’t just affect you, the impact also extends to the people you live and work with as well as your community at large”. Do you think that COVID-19 will make local singles more casual in their approach to dating or drive them to more serious commitments?
I believe it depends on the person and their situation at home. If COVID has hit them hard financially I do not see them looking to be serious unless some kind of additional benefit to their livelihood is potentially there. Or, if they had a history of needing to be in crowds or the center of attention it could possibly be a faux commitment just to deter the loneliness. For first responders, medical professionals, and other career areas heavily impacted with an increase of work due to COVID they honestly may not have the time to take on any serious relationships at the time. Now for those that neither applies and they are in that nice grey area of not being seriously impacted negatively financially or with a crazy work load I believe we will see more dating with purpose. COVID has really made us overtly aware of our own mortality and the importance of having someone. You will find even those who Pre-COVID were intentional loners seeking to at least have that 1 special someone to spend hard times with.
A March 2020 survey, created by the Kinsey Institute, showed that 28% of singles reached out to an ex during early lockdowns. Will this need for intimacy and affection have negative implications for singles in future potential lockdowns?
Definitely. That irrational fear of loneliness for a long period of time may cause a sort of fight or flight sense to kick in. Not in the traditional way that we normally think when using this phrase, but in the sense of needing that human interaction and tribe, fear of going through a tragedy or major sickness, and even death alone. For those without children or with one child may even find themselves fighting the urge to create a legacy (have children). This can cause our better judgement and common sense to lack a little, and cause us to pick up old habits that allowed toxic connections to be made and kept.
Some dating experts bring up the limitations behind virtual and socially-distanced dates. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who has spent 20 years studying the MRI scans of people who are madly in love, has stated “just because you can’t touch somebody, does not mean that you can’t fall in love With them”. Do you think the limitations behind virtual and socially-distanced dates can be overcome and are there any positive benefits of virtual first dates?
Throughout history humans have always proven to be resilient enough to overcome some pretty “impossible” obstacles. So I see this being a breeze for sure. If you think about it we have almost been training ourselves for this type of possibility. One type of relationship that probably didn’t really change dynamic wise that we can learn from is long distance dating. In an article written by Dating at a Distance, they stated that, Pew Research reported around 24% of users with recent dating experience have used the internet/email to maintain long distance relationships. While social media can have its drawbacks it has become a useful tool, and video calling has drastically changed the way long distance communication is done. In short, we have already overcame the obstacles.
Now regarding to benefits, I believe there are plenty but I will highlight my top 3. 1st the pressure for the perfect first date has become almost null and void at the moment. (However it may increase ten fold once face to face interaction becomes possible.) 2nd People are allowed the benefit of building relationships without the cloudiness of sex. You can literally decide if you truly like the person without your point of view being skewed. 3rd and most important, it is SAFE. Of course nothing is 100%, but you can breathe a little easier not having to worry about being drugged at a 3rd location and carried off into the night or worse.
A 1956 study by George Miller, one of the founders of cognitive psychology, states that our short-term memory systems can only handle five to nine options simultaneously and anymore would create cognitive overload. How does someone navigate the massive field of options offered on dating apps without getting burned out?
This is where it can get tricky. I agree completely, and honestly feel when we find ourselves with too many options we find ourselves becoming more lax with our standards. Then take into account catfishes, liars & scammers and you are just asking for trouble. So usually people have to pay me for this advice lol, but I am going to give your readers some free advice that I usually give my clients. Consider your profile as a help wanted classified, and you not only want to attract the ideal client but make them feel like your business was made for them! Know your romantic ideal mate and build your profile around them. For apps that you just talk about yourself, make sure to “peacock” and highlight things about yourself that you know will catch their eye. If the app allows you to speak about your ideal match make sure to be honest and direct (with tact obviously). You do not have to give the direct playbook, but you want to be able to deter obvious no-go’s. While swiping stand firm on your HARD NO’S! I can’t stress this enough. Yes everyone deserves to be loved, but it does not have to be by you and you will regret it in the end more likely than not. (After you have worked out which hard no’s a toxic, irrational, and heartbreak based.) This should drastically limit your matches compared to needless swiping. We actually offer online dating profile build and vetting services, through our Luxe Singles Edition, that come with dating consultations geared towards successful online dating for those who feel like they just need a little assistance with navigating the online dating world.
What DFW attractions do you think will get lots of renewed interest for future dates during this pandemic and post-COVID?
Any outdoor venue and activity. A lot of people are apprehensive when it comes to being in enclosed spaces that recirculate air. Which makes sense with COVID being a respiratory virus transferred thorough droplets in the air. So I see an increase in hiking dates, picnics, walks in parks, restaurants/bistros/coffee shops with patio seating, and anything related to the outdoors. I find myself suggesting the Dallas Arboretum and Cedar Mountain Nature Preserve more often for 1st face to face meets. Maybe depending on the area I may find something fun and different like outside yoga or an outdoor paint n sip.
